I have loads of things to do at the moment. Well ‘normal’ people might be able to fit everything I have to do into their lunch breaks but because of my anxiety/agoraphobia things take a wee bit longer.
*I say normal.. but I have yet to meet a normal person! 
*
I had my list for the Day which included:
Call my new doctor and see if I was registered yet – Tick
This whole Doctor fiasco has really been detrimental to my mental health. I’m not sure how much I told you guys but basically my Doctor wrote back to me in reply to my complaint to him that I felt my treatment was making my anxiety worse and that he was taking me off medication without actually having anything else there to take its place and act as scaffolding.
He Cherry picked parts of my medical history including that I had appointments with a psychologist that I didn’t attend….. Yes, because I was agoraphobic. Basically the whole letter was an exercise in getting himself off the hook and not something he was doing to fix things or to make me feel better.
He was trying to hold me to ransom by trying to force me to come in and see him and withholding medication until I did. I felt by this point our relationship had totally broken down and I decided to just get a new Doctor. He called my advocate and spent half an hour trying to convince her to get me to reconsider.
I know that this is because he knows he has made huge mistakes medication wise and I have been treated really badly.
I think it’s really empowering to remember that Doctors work for you and If you are not happy with the way they are treating you then you can complain and you can leave and get a new Doctor. (At least that is true in Scotland)
I am scared I have to admit. I practically haven’t left the house since all this crap with my Doctors started and I have made an appointment with my new Doctor for Monday at 9.10. EEK! *Send me calming vibes if you remember! * Just thinking about it is making me anxious BUT I feel it is a step in the right direction in my journey to become a non anxious non agoraphobic person.
Call the open University and talk about changing courses: Half a tick
I’m not sure if I am ready to finish my psychology honours degree next year. I have no idea whether or not I will be tapering off medication and everything is up in the air. My anxiety levels are not great atm and I’m not sure I could handle going through stuff (Including counselling -which I will chat about another time!) while doing such an intensive course.
I think instead I would like to do a counselling course. I want to be a counsellor anyway and I need to do this course If I want to go on to do my counselling training at some point.
I wonder whether I am just scared of finishing something? I do have time to think about it. OH! As the women I called today told me…A student advisor is going to call me back so I have half done this thing!! lol
Write to my Ombudsman …not yet.
In his letter my Doctor said If I had any further complaints to take them up with my Ombudsman. While I will no longer be a part of that practice any more I still want to complain so that hopefully the same things don’t happen to anyone else. I think I need help with this because I know it’s something that will make me really anxious. My partner was busy today. I wrote out some thoughts and planned the structure of my letter so hopefully I wont ramble too much.
If you want to complain about your Doctor you can:
Contact your Ombudsman- First you have to have written to the Doctors and if you feel unhappy with their response you can copy a form from here:
http://www.spso.org.uk/files/form%202012.pdf
You can also complain if you are not happy with your prison!
*I was going to go on there but I realise this is only if you are in the UK- The citizens advice will be able to tell you how to go about making a complaint and will help you decide which route to take.
I feel like I am doing the groundwork at the moment. Pulling up all the weeds and crap and getting things organised to enable me to work hard this year at over coming my anxiety. (I’m not sure why I keep coming back to Gardening metaphors! ) – I have been using a lot of gruesome wound metaphors with my Counsellor ..at the moment as well as weeding my garden I am also cleaning the pus out of my wound, which is horrible and sore but something I need to do If I am ever able to heal.
Soon I will be able to write a list of stuff I am going to do in order for me to try to overcome my anxiety… I know it will involve meditation, going outside more and also still doing some happiness stuff..(Just maybe not as intensively! )
Love and light xxLisa
